By Laura Squire

This is a very difficult thing to write because I know that words can never describe the feelings of fear, despair, and being utterly alone that so many people must have felt. Before it happened I thought I had experienced those feelings but now I know what they really are. It makes me feel so sad right though to my heart that so many people, so many thousands have had to go through what I went through and even to a level much worse than my own experience.

I had woken at about 8:50 on the morning of the 26th, Emma's Birthday. I had left my little mud-walled, thatched roofed cabana and was standing just outside the open aired restaurant. The whole thing began in seconds with water rushing in at an incredible speed so you barely had time to think about what was happening. I find that I now have very vivid flashbacks of certain parts of the disaster. This one is of me pulling up my skirt so it didn't get wet and looking at the water feeling puzzled then shocked then terrified. Again terrified does not describe this feeling. I must have sensed that there was danger because I turned and ran to a tree, which I climbed up very quickly. My father followed me and I don't remember being aware of any other specific people that I knew, just a number of people running around or shouting. Something big was coming and I think now that it must have been the noise that warned me of what was to come. In moments the water level had risen substantially. I saw my mother being swept away from me alone and to the side of me. This is another flashback that has been haunting me. Her head was barely out of the water and she had this expression on her face that I find difficult to describe, but I will try. She didn't look scared but she looked shocked, she looked like she was thinking about what she could do next. I don't think she would have been able to do anything because I've been told that the water was travelling at about 60-70mph. She was helpless, powerless and there was nothing that could be done. I screamed “Mummy” to my father who then immediately jumped in after her. This all happened in less than a second. The water was still rising and I was still feeling petrified. As it rose I climbed and eventually I got high enough to jump onto a roof. I climbed up the roof and sat at the top, clinging on with my knees, the water reaching my feet. This is another flashback moment. I was looking around me and saw buildings being ripped apart, trees being torn down, people being swept away, torrents of powerful water everywhere. The noise was immense, not just the roar of the wave but sound of concrete walls smashing into corrugated iron, tiles being thrown off roofs and chairs, fridges and pieces of buildings smashing against each other. At this moment I also had so many thoughts and feelings going though me. I realised I had lost my parents, I had no brother and sister, how was I going to get home? More importantly am I going to live? No, how am I going to die? Should I try to jump on the sturdier tree? My roof won't stay up. And I have no idea how the roof did stay up. The metal structure of my roof was being bent, the tiles were flying up next to me in the shape of the waves beneath it so how on earth did it stay up? The building, I realised later, had been ripped in two, I was on a small remainder of the building, something must have kept it there for me. My family were gone, theres the despair, I was about to be thrown into the water, therefore I would die, theres the terror, I so badly didn't want to die, drowning was always my worst nightmare, theres the desperation. All this time I was screaming for my family, for God (though I am not religious) and for anything to do. I had no idea what to do. Then I suddenly saw my brother, he seemed to have appeared out of nowhere. He was clinging to a palm tree frond, I felt this wave of hope come over me. I then put all my effort, all my energy into shouting at him to hold on, climb up, stay there, please, please hold on. The waves were hitting him and he was swaying as they hit him. I later learnt he couldn't climb up because there was a rope around his leg, that is the reason why he told me to shutup. I think I must have panicked him. Nevertheless he was the most important thing in the world to me and he needed to stay alive. I don't know how much time had passed, it must have been about 15 minutes or so. Eventually the first wave receded and I heard the sound of Hugo's voice. I shouted his name until he heard me and he was able to see where I was. He asked me “Where's Jane” (his wife) and I had to say I didn't know. That was difficult. But then I said “But Will's over there.” This probably didn't give him much comfort, I guess I was wanting him to tell us what to do, which he did. He said go to the main building. It didn't click then what the main building was, I think I was in deep shock. All I could think about was surviving. I turned and looked out at sea and to my horror I saw another wave coming, it was huge and it sent further waves of deep fear through me. I felt sick but didn't have time to think about that. I called to Will that another wave was coming and something about getting higher and on a building, he rapidly ran away and I climbed off my roof as quickly as I could, but it was quite a difficult thing to do because there was all sorts of rubbish on the floor. I ran as fast as I could in the direction that Will ran in, sick with fear. I couldn't see where he had gone and thought I had seconds before the next wave hit. I passed Guy and Sarah sitting on a beam just underneath the roof of a building. I told them about the next wave and ran around the back of the building. I found a wall taller than me but shorter than the building and tried to pull myself up. I fell down, almost giving up hope, sick with fear and desperation. I turned around, picked up a small plank of wood (I didn't have time to choose) and wedged it against the wall. I climbed onto it and it gave me just enough height to be able to pull myself up. In a normal situation I don't think I would have been able to do this but my desperation to live was extraordinary. I then climbed onto the roof of the building and called to Guy and Sarah that they should climb onto the roof to. Guy punched a hole in the roof ( an amazing feat) and they climbed up and for some time we sat preparing ourselves for the wave, clinging on with our knees and on to each other. Sarah and I were crying on and off, we were in so much shock, and the image of my mother was repeating itself in my mind. I said things like “ I wasn't nice enough to my Dad” “I don't know where Emma is” “Mummy cant be…” I couldn't finish that sentence but I knew that she was dead. I also felt sure that my dad and Emma were dead too. The wave never seemed to come and later I realised that although they looked massive they broke far enough out to not reach the land. There was a large amount of sand and debri being dragged out to sea as well, which must have acted as a buffer to the waves. Not long after I had climbed onto this second roof we called for Hugo, who found us and told me again about the main building, I decided to follow, still not quite realising what he meant. We climbed off the roof, with the help of one of the Sri Lankan hotel staff. I ran in the opposite direction to find Will, and found him almost immediately on a roof behind. It seemed to take some persuading to get him off the roof but he came, again with the help of a Sri Lankan.

We then ran to the main building, a four bedroom down, four up building with an open corridor along the back of the second floor. We climbed up the stairs where we found a half English, half Mexican family, There was also a South African chap, Dave, who had lost his fiancé, the owner of the hotel, Merete, who had lost her husband and a German man Andre. I made what I feel are strong connections with some of these people later on. After being in this building for about ten minutes I saw my sister, Emma, and my Dad walking up a path towards us. Will and I called to them frantically because we had seen another wave, this time a big one out at sea. They rushed up the stairs, Emma appearing to have lost some balance, and hugged us both. We then prepared ourselves for the wave. We took hold of a couple of surf boards and pointed them out of the gaps in the balcony so that if the wave reached our level we would hopefully have been washed out with the surfboard to hold onto. I held onto the surf board with one arm and the wall with another. I was sharing the surfboard with two others. I felt sick with fear again, I had run out of energy and my mouth was dry, and I had to prepare for the next wave. I bowed my head and prayed hard. My legs were shaking, actually, my whole body was shaking. The wave came and travelled up the stairs round the corner and hit us with a great force so we were pushed back slightly. Then we watched it travel past the building taking with it what was left in the area. Afterwards we saw that it had taken both my first and second roofs. It is terrible to think that so many Sri Lankans came out of their trees etc not knowing there would be another wave. I am sure that many were killed by that second wave. What was then difficult to deal with was watching the sea, and the waves, not knowing if there were going to be more and if they'd be higher and if the building would stand. The adults all began to work to try to get us to be rescued. Jonathan the father of the half English family had a mobile working and began ringing the embassy. Hugo and my father wrote our names on the wall, Andre and Dave found a way for us to climb onto the roof, which us children did do. We put wet sheets and umbrellas over us to shade us from the sun. We didn't leave the building, something that many have asked about, because there was a regular arrival of waves. Although they struck that same terror within me everytime someone called “Wave” of “Big one coming”, none were as big as the other two. However if we had been on the ground we still would have been swept away with them. So we spent about 3 hours on that roof, watching helicopters fly over, hoping they'd rescue us but none did. We had a small supply of water so we each took sips. Noone was at all selfish in this situation, everyone shared what they had. The other family gave us shirts and clothes and shoes that were in the rooms of our building that they had been staying in. Eventually, the cook, Risad (who told us to call him Richard), came and found us and told us we must wait until the next wave had receded and run to the hill. We immediately grabbed whatever we could and prepared to leave the building. We followed Hugo who was following Risad, but my father didn't seem to appear from the building. This angered us so we shouted at him urgently to hurry up and join us. We couldn't understand why he didn't want to stick with us now that we were together. We didn't want to lose him again. He was collecting medical supplies, which I guess was a wise thing to do!

The walk to the hill top was pretty gruelling. There were sharp objects and scraps everywhere, pieces of buildings and just utter devastation. We had to cross a number of puddles, which seemed only centimetres deep but you put your foot in them and you'd fall to your waist. The walk was particularly difficult for Emma who had concussion and was very weak. She was lagging behind and I kept waiting for her but it was urgent for us to get to the hill quickly in case another wave came, which if it did I'm sure we wouldn't have survived it. She told me that she couldn't do it and I told her that she could and she had to, she had to push on and keep going. We eventually came to a road, most of which had been swept away and began to walk upwards. Our feet by this time were quite cut up. The walk upwards was comforting, and there were lots of Sri Lankans cycling or walking around. People were going in the opposite direction to look for their loved ones or just to collect bodies. We eventually reached the hill where people told us they had seen Jane, Claire and my mother. I hardly dared to believe that she could be alive. Sarah and I then ran around all the groups that were gathered around trees and called for them. I then walked into a garden having seen Jane and Claire re-united with the rest of their family. The sight of my family is something I will always remember of the four of them holding each other, my mother just sobbing, huge sobs saying “ I thought you had all died”. I felt such an immediate huge relief. Such a huge amount of emotion was shared between us. I know I will always see my family in a different way, I will always appreciate them because I know what it's like to lose them.

We then faced a number of warnings from a radio someone had. We were told that the initial danger of more waves would end at 9pm. Although the hill had not been hit by the first wave it was not high and not far from the sea. There was still a danger to us of being washed away. 9 o'clock came and went so we began to settle down for the night. Risad somehow found food and brought a macaroni cheese and soup for us! Where he found it I don't know because most of the houses had been washed away. We were looked after like royalty by the Sri Lankans, over and above their own people. Though they had lost their own families, houses, and livelihood, they were concerned and cared for us. This generosity would never be seen from Western people, their behaviour was extremely humbling and made me feel ashamed of my culture.

We settled down on some sheets on a lower hill, where I slept next to a man named Nate. He had lost his partner but had hope that he would find him. We discovered he was famous in America and spent some time questioning him about celebrities. He was a much needed distraction from the waves that we could hear. The moon was full and I remember looking at the sky and seeing the stars and wishing I could be up there because I was so scared of being where I was. I wasn't happy being on the lower hill and made it clear! That was I the first time I broke down and I think I would behave the same if I was in that situation again. I wanted us to be as high as possible. The next warning we had was of a wave, possibly bigger than the first, at about 1 o'clock because there had been an aftershock. We moved to the higher hill, where we tried and failed to get some sleep. The next day helicopters came and my family were split up. Emma (who's face had become extremely swollen) and Will were flown off, along with the entire Haddon-Grant family except for Guy. We spent the morning talking to people and waiting for the helicopters, not knowing if they would keep coming back. It was important for the injured to go first so my mother, Guy and I got one of the last journeys away. My father went on an earlier helicopter because his leg had become infected. One of the things that was difficult to deal with that morning was the amount of dead people that were brought onto the hill. The morgue was filled and bodies were lined up out the front. I found myself looking at this with a distance, and with no emotion. But I now find those images quite haunting

I have learnt so much from this experience and I really hope that I never forget what I have seen. I will always remember the Sri Lankan women who threw themselves on the floor, wailing and thumping the ground. I will never forget the kindness they showed us. I will never forget what they have lost. I will always know that I am extremely privileged, I have so much to be thankful for. And I will always remember the feeling of being that desperate not to die. Life is so important. And I hope I never forget the feeling of it being so important to help.